Its been a while

I thought I would be really into this whole writing my feelings down on the internet for no one to read. But honestly it's just time consuming and I forget to do it. Plus, the things I really want to write I probably will never write on here. However, I will tell you that I got a new "job" working for a small Spa that does facials. I kind of just do miscellaneous stuff. Working at home, updating the website, and helping with logo ideas and stuff like that. It is really really fun. I like being able to have some sort of creative outlet, but also get paid for it. Wish I could find a way to make my own business online. It's always just so hard to get started. But I am going to try as soon as spring break rolls around.

I have a midterm in accounting this week, and a midterm in math and humanities next week so I am going to be MIA for a while. I haven't been doing that well in school (for my standards)... I usually get high B's or A's on all of my tests and so far I have gotten a C on my first math test, a C on my first accounting test, and surprisingly an A on both my Humanities tests, which let me tell you typically is not my strong suit. But I don't even know what to do. I guess I have just reached the point where my usual studying tactics are no longer useful like they have been in the past. Or maybe I am just SUPER over being in school. Is it wrong that I feel like I could start a career now? I have the connections, I have some of the tools, and I have the motivation... The thing is - I am not the kind of person who wants to learn how to do something in a classroom. Everything I have learned about all of the things I love (minus Biology) has been outside of any type of classroom.

When I was little I played around with a video camera, and got really good at doing that. I played around with computers and electronics enough I eventually became really good at those too. In middle school, I taught myself HTML just by googling stuff, and analyzing how things worked when I changed them slightly. All of those things I found a huge passion in (at least temporarily) and none of them were learned within the confines of a classroom. 

Side note: Fed Ex just came and I told him to go through the gate and take a right (going straight takes you to the backyard--and a dead end) and I go to the front door and he is not there... About to check to see if this guy is in my pool haha!

Anyway, now that I think of it, I am just like my mom and dad. They both started what they love without classroom experience. Sure, my dad took classes at the UoW but tinkered with radios his whole life just like I tinker with everything I do too. My mom always just knew what looked good when designing a house and eventually became close enough to interior designers to know the ins-and-outs of that whole field. She did eventually go back to school but that did not last either.

I don't know how to find the motivation to take 3 more calculus classes. To transfer into a 4-year and start a whole new routine of stuff that I am not passionate about. I guess the motivation lies beneath the reason why I am there. To have the degree, so that people will want to hire me to do what I love (which if you are wondering, no, I do not have a solid answer about what I love to do, I love a lot of things..ughhh)

I am also not excited to go to a 4-year either because of the social aspect. Parties, sororities, tailgating etc etc etc... That's not me. I don't really know if I ever fully went through that phase either. My closest sibling is 6 years older than I am. She was kind of the wild child so my next closest sister who is 8 years older than me was the one I looked up to most (don't get me wrong I wanted to be like both of them). I always found myself trying to be mature enough to hang out with their friends. And not [always] be that annoying little sister who was not cool enough to hang out with the high schoolers. Sometimes I feel like maybe I grew up too fast. I never really did the whole high school thing. Going to real parties and being rebellious. I had my moments, maybe once or twice, but I was not an atypical high school girl... I don't know that I regret that. I do however feel like I let my parents down. I know they are very proud of what a good kid I always was, and am, but I sometimes get the feeling that my mom wishes I held on to more friends, and did more things with them. Because it's more than obvious to say that nowadays I am a homebody, if not the definition of it. I am not sure she is proud of that. But again, not sure that she resents it either...

Well look at that, I have spent twenty minutes and lots of paragraphs rambling to my vast amount of followers (ha)... It was nice to say those things though... 

Speaking of homebody's I am going to go finish watching my DVR and take a nap before I nanny tonight.

Thank you for listening my friends.

t!ffany amber